Women........Get the relationship and sex you want

Every woman wants to be happy, especially in a relationship.  Too often we think we know what we want in a man.........we have preconceived notions and are more often than not, unwilling to waiver from the pictures painted in our heads. Have you ever considered that those pretty little pictures may be just that?  Pretty notions, pretty patterns of some imaginable man we have not met?  

Sometimes we see in our heads, a picture of what we consider handsome, virile, masculine, just perfect, too perfect.  A picture or blue print that no man could ever live up to.  A Prince Charming...a man who simply does not exist. 

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Where do we come up with these ideas, pictures and impossible images?  Well most of us grow up watching too much TV, too many movies, reading too many romance books concerning the perfect man.  Do you feel pretty, charming, gracious and even tempered all of the time?  Probably not.  So why do you think a man must, 24/7, live up to your image of perfection?  It just isn't going to happen, no matter how much we want it.  Does this mean a happy, satisfying relationship, both emotionally and sexually, cannot exist for you?  Of course not.  You can have it all, if you become realistic in your thinking and and take note, truthfully, of what sort of personality would make and keep you happy.

What happens in real life is this:  While thinking we know the kind of guy we want, we pick, we actually find the kind of guy we deserve at that time because we didn't consider everything in a down to earth manner. 

In the next blog we will consider why, when we find the guy in our heads, the relationship sours and the wheels fall off.  

 

    

 

Where's the logic?

We have been bombarded with pictures, news articles and opinions on social media sites of the recent shooting of innocent kids.  No, I cannot imagine the horror those parents, that school or the town is experiencing.  It must be absolutely horrible.

In 2006, Amish children in Pennsylvania were killed by a gunman who entered their school and also opened fire.  I have to be honest here and say, I really didn't see a whole lot of debate then about gun control.  Yet those Amish children are just as precious as any other.

Admittedly these are awful tragedies and many people in America think something should be done.  Are we now, as my Dad used to say: "Closing the barn door after the horse got out?"  Shouldn't something have been done much earlier to prevent such things?  You have heard of prevention, haven't you?

There is much inhumanity going on in the world that breaks my heart as well.  I also cannot imagine being blasted from by bed, in my home, in the middle of the night, in Iraq, by a country holding me accountable for something I never did.  Don't we need impulse control as a country too?

 

 

It seems so very easy to hate a faceless enemy.  Do we make war on innocent children, old people and innocent civilians and just sit by and say nothing?  Why?

There are innocent children, every year, in America, who live with the chance of being killed, every time they step out in their neighborhood streets.  Those kids who face the rain of bullets from drug running thugs who spray bullets in all directions in drive by shootings, killing anyone in their path.  Children murdered, children whose only crime is being poor and having to live in those neighborhoods.  I dare say if this was happening in affluent neighborhoods, there would be an outcry in America such as we have never heard before.

 

America has allowed huge corporations to take over our government, to run it, financially and otherwise.  Nothing gets done except a hatred for 'Americans not on their side' and a division in America that hasn't been seen since our Civil War.  Americans have allowed big businesses to go to other countries, make virtual slaves of workers, just so we can have cheap goods.  Americans have allowed corporations to look like they represent us, as citizens.  Making it look like all fat cat Americans use their people in foreign lands like so much trash.  Then we wonder why other countries would like to see our demise.  I don't know about you, but those companies do not represent me, not now, not ever.   Yet Americans think we should also pick up the tab for corporations lax in paying taxes.  We should pick up the tab for their health care, while we get none and mop up the messes those corporations leave behind, which I suspect is a lot of carnage for us to pay for.

Are we then also going to be willing to absorb the hatred they have instilled in other countries, making it look like we, innocent civilians, are backing the corporations?  America needs to think long and hard on that last question.

 

  

 

Advice I would give to my 20 year old self

We all have regrets in life, we all say: "If I only knew then what I know now."  We would all, anyone over 40 anyway, would love to go 'Back to the Future' if possible.

I've been thinking about this topic recently.  Maybe watching grown kids heading down a path that might lead to disaster, maybe not standing their ground when it's needed, whatever the reasons, it has been on my mind.

Here is some advice I would give to myself, hopefully I would listen and take heed.

A} In a relationship, stand up for yourself, have more confidence and say so when you don't like what may be going on.

B} No, your 20's do not last forever, so make the most of them.  Cultivate a career, be a better parent, listen to your gut feelings.

C} Remember that life is not high school.  Be yourself, no matter what others think, be true to your passions.

D} Don't allow anyone else to sway you, to try and turn you into someone you are not. You have to live in your own skin a very long time.

C} Do not think the first love who comes along will always be your last.  He may not be your last chance for happiness, marriage or a good life.  You're young, shop around, be picky and be happy.

D} Get to know yourself before having a relationship.  The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you can work on, early, when young.  Know who you are, where you want to go, what your likes and dislikes really are.

E} If things aren't going well, have the courage and conviction to stand up and say so, no matter what others think. 

These things are but some of the items I would advise myself if I had the opportunity to do so.

How about you?  Do you have any advice you would like to share?  Feel free to do so.  I'd love to read about it.    

Free

I am offering a free book as a thank you to all my fans and for those who have not read this first copy yet.

I have a few left as they seem popular.  I pay the shipping and you can specify how you want it signed.  Please place your request before December 30th and before all are gone.  I'd love to hear from you.

Email:  bobbirant@about.me 


I love to give free gifts to people.  I think you will enjoy this story.  

Social services hated and needed

It really mystifies why so many people in America are showing and posting on social networks, a pure hatred for social services.  Too many people are under the myth that poor people are 'bringing America down.'  Few people realize that poor people only use 15% of most services, especially Medicaid.  The bulk of Medicaid, a whopping 85% is collected by that billion dollar industry known as nursing homes.  Do you really think we should toss your Grandma out into the streets?  

A good friend of mine, I will just say, S. worked as a Social Services Examiner.  It seems those working in a social services agency are some of the most hated people.  I do know, I really would not want that job.  She was a very good examiner, but it seems there is no place for those who are compassionate, feeling and really willing to help.

Those agencies like the nasty, giving you a hard time, 'I think this money comes from my paycheck' types of people.  Everyone in the outside world hates social services of course until they are laid off, sick and need it themselves, then it seems to be fine and fair, if they are the recipients.

Most people only need social services for a short period.  Do you think abused women should be denied?  The elderly who may not eat or get a place to live, should be denied?  The working mother who cannot earn enough to make ends meet, should be denied?  Do you think you and your loved ones, if tragedy strikes, should be denied?  Most Americans are one paycheck, one illness, one layoff from a job, away from poverty in America.  Few of them live high on the hog as the popular myth idea in America is perpetuated.  Guess again!

Just think about it next time you are tempted to hate people who need a boost in life simply to survive.

Also remember that life isn't fair either.  My good friend once told me: "The sooner people get over the notion that life is fair, the happier they will be."  She is so right.  

https://www.facebook.com/SocialWorkersRPeopleToo

Dating and sex in a real world

My husband of almost 14 years, and I met online.  We met in 1998 when chat rooms were the popular thing, before social media took hold.

Can online meetings work?  I'm a firm believer it can and does and it has been working for us for 15 of those 14 years of marriage.  We've been together for 15 years and it just gets better each year.  How do we do it?

We were in out late 40's and I know young people like to think all this dating stuff is only for those under 30, but they are not correct.  Dating, love and romance is for everyone.

One thing I have noticed with some people is that either they keep 'dating' online for too long, or are disappointed when the do meet the real person they have been talking to.

First off, it's best to meet as soon as possible.........this dispels any illusions either person may have conjured up in their heads.  Meet in the safest places possible of course, don't be foolish about safety..ever.

Another thing too many people experience, both male and female, is they are hung up on looks, how is that person dressed, how do they wear their hair, etc.  Now of course, we all want someone who does not look like a train wreck and we want someone who bathes and wears clean clothes. That aside, it's just high school and too superficial to be too hung up on looks.  

Some of the best and long lasting relationships come about for two people or at least one person, who thinks 'this person isn't my type.'  Get over it!  We don't always know just what our 'type' is until we have given a person a chance.

I didn't really know my type either until I met him and I didn't fall instantly in love, not as we know it from reading too many romance novels anyway, but we became friends first and that is a good sign.  We all need a partner we can talk to as a friend as well as a mate.

Now the subject of sex, well only you can decide when you want to do that.  But those of us over 40 pretty much know who we are and I say trust your instincts, your gut feelings.

Do you have any experiences with online dating as a person over 40?

Sex, at any age, we all think about it

Nursing homes definitely are not places people ordinarily
think of anyone ever desiring sex, much less having
any. More elderly, even in nursing homes, not only
think about sex, they desire it but are usually
deterred from thinking about it and definitely
denied it, if staff has anything to say about it.

Most staff in nursing homes think older people
having sex is disgusting and all old people who
want sex must be perverts. It is expected that when
old people enter a nursing home to live, they will
automatically become eunuchs, understanding that
sex should be parked outside the doors and is a privilege
only for the young, or at least, only for old people
who live outside in the community.

To nursing home staff, finding an empty room for To nursing home staff, finding an empty room for
people to engage in a sexual act, means having to
clean a room that was already clean, and best left
that way, in other words, more work for them. To
corporations and owners, an empty room set aside
for such purposes means a room not producing
money 24/7 because it is empty.

This is almost like living in a concentration camp,
minus the torture, unless you count the harsh words
from staff as torture, maybe to some it is. Entering
a nursing home means giving up all pleasures,
except for those sanctioned by the facility. 

Perhaps there needs to be brochures that not only tell of the
benefits of living in a nursing home, but also list
the former pleasures you have to give up. Or
maybe it would suit their marketing department if
the brochure listed the pleasures sanctioned by the nursing home.  


Bingo is okay, looking out the window, reading, watching TV but *sigh* not sex!  OMG!

Well to Babyboomers, this is just unacceptable.  They come from a history of: "If it feels good do it............free love...........etc.

I read once that Boomers living in retirement communities are a large portion of those contracting AIDS.  Not sure how true the statistics are, after all, the same article said seniors abuse alcohol more than most too.  Oh yes, and drugs, but I think they were talking marijuana so to Boomers that is also a part of their normal history.  But, you don't get AIDS playing shuffleboard either.  

Sex is normal, and it is not something seniors need to be protected from, like we protect teens who have never had sex......unless it is a violent crime...........but consensual sex is something they do think about and even enjoy.

Seniors are not teenagers who need protection from sex.  Most of them have had sex at one time or another in their lives.  So adult kids who cannot stand the idea of their elderly parent having sex...........really should get a grip on reality and get over it. 

• Assisted Living Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/assisted-living/

• Memory Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/memory-care/

• Nursing Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/nursing-homes/

• Care Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/care-homes/

• Independent Living Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/independent-living/

A love story

When Lacey met Steve she felt an
instant attraction to him and she couldn’t get his
boyish smile out of her head. His rugged good
looks and gentle nature made her heart melt. If
it wasn’t love at first sight it sure was as close
to it as anyone could ever come and the best
part was that Steve felt the same way.

But there was a catch, her father dislikes
Steve, not personally, but what he stands for,
even though Lacey's dad and Steve are a lot
alike. 

Steve wants the Army to be his career.
Her dad was a career Army man too, but her
dad wants her to marry Jason, a boring
accountant, a nerd in Lacey’s eyes. Jason is
stable, not a career military man like Steve.

Lacey’s father wants more for her than the rag
tag moving around and never knowing if Steve
will come home from a combat zone.
Meantime Lacey’s dad seems to be feeling not
well and Lacey cannot figure it out, until one
day, her dad is rushed to the hospital and
diagnosed with kidney failure. On top of all
this, Steve hasn’t written to Lacey from
Afghanistan, where he was sent to be an
interpreter, so now she’s feeling sad over her
dad’s illness and sad over the idea that Steve may have fallen out of love with her.

Since her dad's illness she has strongly been considering
the possibility that her father was right and
maybe Jason, also a good man, will make a
better husband. Lacey wants to go to college
and study music but she is not sure her dad will
live long enough to ever see her marry if she
finishes college first.

Will Lacey ever hear from Steve, or will she
marry Jason, whom she does not love, just to
please her dying father?

Available on:

Amazon.com

Barnes&Noble.com

Easy and inexpensive chocolate cupcakes

Everyone, or nearly everyone loves cupcakes.  These are great for people on certain diets because there are no eggs or any animal products in these, yet they are moist and so decadent.  These cupcakes were very popular during WWII when things were rationed and eggs and some other products were hard to come by sometimes.  They are delicious with any flavor frosting you want to use.  Sprinkles optional too.


Recipe:

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 cup of salad dressing (Miracle Whip or any generic will do)

1 cup of water

1 cup of granulated sugar

3 cups of all purpose flour

2 cups baking cocoa or as chocolaty as you like it

Pour flour into large mixing bowl, stir in sugar, baking cocoa, baking soda, vanilla extract, salad dressing and water.  Stir until all ingredients are blended and nice and moist. 


Line cupcake tins with foil or paper cupcake liners.  Fill each one about 3/4 full.

Place in a 350 degree oven for 10 to 15 minutes.  Cool and frost.

Enjoy!  

Easy and economical dinner recipe

This is a delicious supper we like to have once in a while.  It is easy and so economical to make.  We like to have a baked potato and a small salad or green vegetable with it. 


Recipe:

1 can of flaky biscuits.............bake according to directions on can

1 pound of lean ground beef

2 or more cans of vegetable beef condensed soup

1/4 to 1/2 cup of water.......depending on how many cans of soup you use

Brown the ground beef in a skillet, drain if needed.   Combine two, or more (depending on how many you plan to feed) cans of vegetable beef condensed soups with the browned hamburger, mix, stir in the water and heat until bubbly.

This mixture is delicious poured over the biscuits or even over the baked potatoes.  

We love this dish at least once a month and it never goes to waste, never any left overs. 

Enjoy!


You can make your own biscuits but I like to use canned biscuits.  

Mom ya held out on me

Getting older and, hopefully, a bit wiser, I'm always thinking, sometimes over thinking, about what we really tell our kids about how life can work.  I grew up in a household where:

A)  You never told anyone how you voted.  Why?  I'm not sure, but I recall my parents talking with my aunts and uncles about candidates and slipping in lines like: 'I'm not telling you who I voted for but, blah, blah, blah.'  Fascinating to me as a kid.  Somehow it was just a well kept secret back then.

B)  You never mentioned how much you made on a job, in your work, career or whatever job you were doing.  Again, listening to my parents, this didn't happen just in our household, but no one was saying what they were paid.  Was it somehow taboo?  I figured it must have been.

We, as parents, lecture, or we tend to bitch at our kids, but what do we really say in a heart to heart conversation with them?  Sometimes we just don't.  Do we always see them, not as adults, or even as becoming adults, so we just let life take its course?  I'm just as guilty of this as the next parent.  

I wish Mom had told me:

A)  If a relationship is chuck full of drama, it isn't good.  Why isn't it good?  Well, drama usually means one person in the relationship is attempting to be center stage, wants all or a lion's share, of the attention and in turn, wants their own way most of the time.  A comfortable relationship is not built on one person getting their own way most of the time.  Why?  It means the other person is making too many compromises and this leads to resentment.

B)  You cannot always trust what your heart feels.  Yes, yes, many people will take the stand in defense of trusting your heart, your hormones or whatever we follow when we think it's love, and how it worked for them.  Maybe so, maybe it works for many people, not for everyone though.  Do we really listen to our kids and ask them how a relationship is going?  Are we afraid we will be viewed as too nosy?  Let them have the opportunity to really have a conversation about it with you.  Hopefully, we as a parent, know what makes a good relationship.

C)  There is no formula for what makes relationships or even life, great.  The only formula is what works for you, what makes you happy, what makes you comfortable in your own skin.

We rarely tell our kids about our own past, maybe we fear they will think less of us, but I say maybe we should tell them.  We should tell them we were and are, human after all.  We were not born grownups either.  We should let them know what and why we did some things, especially if it turned out badly.  If you can relate your most hurtful or embarrassing moments, you may be helping them.  Will they always consider how it can turn out?  Maybe not, but at least we planted the seeds.  

Do you know why people over 45, 50, and 60 have no appeal to marketers?  It's because, for the most part, we have figured it out, so we are not the marketers targets anymore.  We rarely buy for the sake of buying any longer, understanding this or that gadget will not make us look like that 12 year old model in the picture, that product will not cause us to attract the opposite sex and so on, so forth.  You get the picture.  Even in a midlife crisis, we do still get it.  The reason people buy that sports car in midlife is probably because we didn't have the money to buy it when the kids were growing up.  Not a crisis at all, just something we always wanted but could not afford to buy it before midlife.

Have you hugged your kid today?  Have you talked to your kid today?  Have you listened to your kid today?

One big thing I did learn when getting a divorce:  In my first marriage we had many friends, most of them married.  I always thought they were very happy and content in their relationships.  When I told the wives I was seeking a divorce, one by one, they confided in me that they too were contemplating a divorce.  So my bubble of their happy relationships, burst. 

Ah, Mom, ya held out on me.  Were you afraid to let me know these things?  Maybe so.